I put yesterday's post up first thing in the morning and headed off to work.
On my walk across town, I was still prayerfully thinking about my experience and what God was calling upon me to do. After so many years of being in the public square, while I can't say personal insults and injuries never take the wind out of my own sails, I will say that 95% of my meditation in trying to hear God's voice is about the negative effect upon evangelization to souls in Christendom and what service I can be to God in the situation.
My concerns in the situation were about the building of a platform where authentic teachings and dissent are given the kind of ballast that gives affirmation of dissent to those listening or reading and how the bullying and terrorizing of evangelists that goes on in that school of thought may be intimidating Catholics from speaking up in their own little fiefdoms.
As readers here will not find shocking, God's nurturing for this role leaves me with questions about when to give up and stop witnessing about something. While being very conscience that this is not a pursuit of any personal victory, thoughts about when to abandon the message often leads me to 'when you get chased out of town'. (There is prudence about appropriate time, place and audience of course.)
Sometimes, being chased out of town isn't even enough for Christ, right?
Peter meets Jesus on his way out of Rome and Jesus asks where he was going. Peter answers that he is hightailing it out of Rome because Nero wanted to kill him. Christ walks away from Peter towards Rome. When Peter asks where He is going, He said He was going back to be crucified again. Peter follows. Quo Vadis.
There is much prayerful discernment.
I was thinking about all this, whether I should just keep my mouth shut and walk away when I looked up to see this message written on a cement bearing of a building inches from my face.
I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; He will strike at your head, while you strike at his heel.Note how there is a lock with an opening for a key. No subtlety on this one.
I never understood why God would put enmity between people but I think I understand it now.
Enmity is the seed planted by God that is watered by our love for God and our brothers and sisters.
It inspires the hunger and thirst for righteousness and justice.
It is the intensity of this fire that gives us the courage to give and serve no matter what the personal cost.
n.b. Through my many years of being a Catholic activist, blogging, being a mom, working - limitations on my time have restricted my blogging time to that of whistleblowing. I have been very aware that this has given people who read the blog and don't know me a one dimensional view of me and my work.
I make choices about my time, the bulk of which I devote to serving my children, family, friends. It does not leave me with much time to be more substantive with thought about the many things I wish I had the time to blog about. To me this is where the rubber meets the road. Where I can have the most efficacy to the people and things I care most about.
With my youngest in college, I am spending a little time in a conscience effort to blog about some of the many things that go on, never visible to readers. (My time problem with doing final edits will either suffer or get better - we shall see!)
P.S. to friends and family - Not to worry. The confidentiality of our personal lives will not be fodder for blog posts!